Wednesday, May 2, 2007

life sucks.

hey wa’s happnin’…. I got a lot of stuff goin on, so in order to maintain my sanity and clean record, here’s what’s going to happen.. I am going to vent… and you all are going to pretend that I don’t exist, and I never said anything..okay? good. First off, I love my Lord Jesus Christ, and I know that He is going to bring through it all… but just like any human being.. it’s hard not to want to do it myself, and then go berserk when I can’t! So, that being said, I also love my girlfriend… but it seems to me that the timing is off…at least by a year…why a year? I don’t know.. ask her! So we’ve been together.. oh let me check my MySpace count-up… jk, for a couple months now, and….we’re “just friends” now… until next year. Then I get to “reapply” to be her boyfriend. I understand that she needs some time to get her priorities straight… between God and me, yeah God wins… but I wish… that it didn’t hurt so bad… it’s like she’s cheating with my best friend.

Okay, this is starting to sound really bad… I am painting a WAY too negative picture of her. In reality, she is a way more mature Christian than I am, and so if she needs to get some stuff right with the big man… tha’s cool. Y’all gotta help me out this next year… I got so seriously depressed when she (tried) to leave for Phoenix for Master’s Commission, and that was only going to be for a couple of months!! (she ended up coming back way sooner, but still) At least I will get to see her at least… although I don’t know if I want it that way…cuz if she was down in AZ, then I wouldn’t have to sit there across from her, and know that we can’t do the stuff we used to. GAH.. I’m rambling… oh wait… I’m allowed to do that..

You know, this got me to thinking about one of our bike rides up and down Hurst Rd… it was such a good talk, that I was going to blog about it… it was gonna be called: “On Bubbles and Bricks” or “Thoughts of Bricks and Bubbles” anyways… the gist is this… we all have our different methods of protecting ourselves when we feel threatened, right? Whether it be physically or mentally threatened… we have our defense mechanisms… well I would have to describe mine as a brick wall… it’s got one entrance and no roof.. (mind, there is no scaling this wall) only people that I allow can get through that door… and only God can get through the ceiling, or lack thereof…. Her mechanism was more of a bubble mentality… when the bubble is up.. nobody, but NOBODY gets in or out… when it’s down.. everyone has access. This way there is no safe middle ground, no “no man’s land.” Whose defense is the best? Who knows? Its not for us to decide, its up to us to adapt and be mindful of these things though.

Finally, to wrap this up a little bit.. I might be going incommunicado for a while.. just to pause.. keep my composure.. that type of thing…so keep emailing, messaging, commenting, and whatnot.. I’ll get back to you when I feel like it. To conclude however, if you are reading this Onyx Fire, or Skikkles… I love you forever and ever……

@}~ Remember the rose I gave you? I will love you until it, and mine die. ~{@

God gives and He takes away… notice how the taking away part comes last?

No comments: